VoiCe

i used to have a big voice/ a relevant voice/ a voice that people listened to/ invested too much in/ wanted too much of/ a voice that had too many expectations placed on it// A voice/ painted in a persona/ that wasn't what i saw in the mirror/ but that persona had an immense amount of respect/ so i/ by default was associated with a persona that didn't really fit// So i spoke cloaked in image/ that felt too tight to wear/ too heavy to walk in/ and only a part of the picture of who i was/and i decided to take some time out/ to figure out that voice/ to not speak with it carelessly/ to know who spoke behind it/ not to speak solely of what were issues/ but to be honest/ with myself/ about how/ i/ too/ might not measure up to my own voice's expectations// I walked off the stage/ not knowing when i would return/ though very clear that i would/ and when i did/ i would come back/ a better/ stronger/ more brilliant orator of the word/ of life/ of people/ of the world// But that's not the way it's worked out// I have become/ an isolated/ independent thinking/ social pariah// Living on the outskirts of what i was once a part off// I am pointed at/ and felt sorry for/ because i decided that who i wanted to be/ was myself/ in all her broken and healing glory/ that i would not apologize for making this choice/ and i would own the power in being the primary agent of healing myself// I learned/ that my voice spoke in such sharp undertones/ because it was fragmented and in pain/ and had accepted that/ in the world it was a part of/ it was not acceptable to scream out the truth/ but to redirect one's own issues/ into sounding off about the obvious dysfunction in those around them// This is how, what i am a part of now, began....